Friday, June 19, 2009

Religious Segregation

Watching Khamenei speak to a crowd full of guys. No women in the crowd as he makes fun of "the husband of this woman who speaks for him." And they laugh.

Sounds like a Leno joke during the Clinton administration. I'm waiting for the dancing Ayatollahs to come out any second.

And now the immediate feigned Glenn Beck style crying. "I want those around me to know that I'm so religious that I'm so overcome with emotion that my shoulders are shaking and I have to hide my eyes." Oh, look they're fine, seconds later, no longer overcome with emotion.

The crowd beneath the cover reminds me of chickens in a coop clucking along and rustling their feathers.

And so this man with a mighty presumptuous title has said that the election was a definitive victory that cannot be challenged on the streets.

Oh, yeah? It can, it has, and it will.

Yes, we can.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Tweet is Mightier than the Sword

How low is Ahmadinejad’s self esteem right now? I mean, he left the country and went to Russia during all of the protesting just to get away. And Russia was like, “I don’t know what to tell you. We were all godless Communists 18-years-ago. And that didn’t work out for us either. Now, don’t shake my hand on camera.”

But the topic of getting away from it all brings to mind the former Mayor of Washington, DC, Marion Barry, who went to the Super Bowl, held in Southern California that year, during a city crippling snow storm. Okay, maybe it’s not exactly the same. But when the criticism sent Barry running back he was shown on the news shoveling snow off of the sidewalks and into the streets where the cars would take care of it. Yep, he always knew exactly what to do.

And so I would like to draw a parallel between these two former mayors by using a quote from the night that caused his temporary removal from the office of Mayor. Marion Barry, “Bitch set me up.”

Ahmadinejad should be using this as his mantra tonight as the Supreme “Bitch” has set him up. Not a crack whore in an FBI hidden camera hotel room bust but an ayatollah and the ayatollah before him. Which, come on guys, what’s with the one letter difference in name: Khomeini/Khameini? What are you George W Bush and George H W Bush? I guess it gets you into “office” easier. Right, John Q Adams?

Anyways, these clerics put Ahmadinejad out front like Tony Soprano put his Uncle Corrado Soprano out there as the leader of the family, when really it’s him. That way, he doesn’t go to jail first. In Iran’s situation Ahmadinejad is pushed forward like some PR representative conducting press conferences on behalf of the clerics. And the world listens to his Tom Cruise-like rantings with the same reaction “What the hell is wrong with that guy? If he’d just shut up, I’d go see his movie.”

And this Musavi must have a directly oppositional heightened sense of self-esteem when he's just really a choice, not THE choice, but A choice. These clerics are the ones running the country and they’re the ones in charge of these “fashion police” who go around harassing people about their hair cuts...

...and their scarf coverage...

...and their paisley.

Sure, “What Not to Wear” would be all over that last pattern choice but the option of the little black dress that every woman must have in her closet is a long black dress that every woman MUST have in her closet. And on her body covering up her rights. In the United States when women were finally allowed to wear pants they gained the vote, it came along at the same time and there’s something about the freedom to choose what you wear, the freedom over what’s on the outside that leads to freedom of what’s on the inside, the freedom to think, the freedom to choose, the freedom to decide. I know, decide is the same as choose but I’m a stickler for rule of threes.

And so I’ll use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as analysis of the “Fashion Police” and their effect on Iranians.

The concept of Maslow’s Hierarchy is that you have to satisfy your baser instincts before you can become fully Self-Actualized. First on the list is food and water, second is a sense of security, third is companionship, fourth a sense of achievement, and fifth is self-actualization. If you need one of the lower items on the list, then you start all over in your pursuit of actualization. And so when your safety, which is only second on the list, is constantly attacked you have a hard time concentrating on anything else. I know we all get hungry and thirsty but I’m trying to make a point here, so pay attention. When your job is to only concern yourself with the outside, then you definitely don’t spend much time getting higher on that list. I mean, grocery store tabloids are no better than Iranian fashion police. They’re both concerned with how much cellulite is showing.

Yes, the outside is a display of what’s going on on the inside. But forcing someone “to believe” isn’t going to make them believe. And testing yourself, averting your own eyes away from that sexy old lady’s hair would be a greater measure of your self-actualization than constantly looking for something that you “should” be denying yourself.

If someone’s not at prayer and you’re harassing them for not going, then you’re not at prayer which is where Allah wants you to be in your time zone at that particular moment.

And so what I’m saying is that the Fashion Police are blocking Ahmadinejad from becoming self-actualized because their actions have caused the country to rise up against him, therefore lowering his self esteem level 5, his sense of achievement level 4, his sense of companionship level 3, his sense of security level 2, and I bet all of this dissent is really making him thirsty so now he’s back to level number one. And a world without a fully self-actualized Ahmadinejad, well, we all remember what Corrado did to Tony on “The Sopranos.”

Then again, maybe a fully self-actualized Ahmadinejad isn’t such a good thing.

One more parallel, Al Gore had an election stolen from him and he became the “going green” agent for change. Mussavi had an election stolen from him and he became the “going green” agent for change.

Icons are a powerful thing.

Sabzi, baby, Sabzi.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

#CNNFAIL s While BBC Brings It

This fat dude at BBC kicks ass. And so does the mob chasing the police off.

Why isn't CNN showing footage of the 1979 revolution? In the absence of "confirmed" reports they could have at least analyzed the parallels. I mean, they're always asking people to tell them "what's going on this weekend" on Twitter. #CNNFAIL

Where's My Vote?

Guy beaten to death in Iran keeps getting taken down.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Drill Baby Drill

I said "Hey, Andy, you should do a reenactment [or enactment or whatever] of this" and he did. So he gave me an Inspired by credit. Which is-- Well, you should watch it and then you'll see why it's a wonderful choice of words in conjunction with this topic.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


Screen capture of an ad I clicked on on Drudge Report:

"The Second Coming of Christ. What does this mean for America? In addition to hard-hitting investigative reports by Ed [Wasn't he the mayor of NYC?] Koch... Ben [Bueller? Bueller?] Stein... David [Rush has a bother?] Limbaugh." Hard-hitting reports in this case means angry.

I can only assume that the next issue will include The Lost Book of Glenn.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

LAX Story

This headline reads "Angry Passengers Stage Sit-In." I don't know about you, but I believe that's called waiting.

Nielsen Threats

O'Reilly: "If I could get my hands on Tiller-- Well, you know. Can't be vigilantes. Can't do that. It's just a figure of speech."

Tacking just kidding onto the end of your sentence doesn't change the irresponsible words you use that garner more than just ratings. But you're not really careful with your words are you, Falafel?

English Fail

Here's a protest poster that I came across in the Plaza De Armas in Cuzco, Peru.