Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Meg Whitman, Yeah, She's Annoying

Meg Whitman, the 53-year-old, billionaire and former CEO of eBay is running as a Republican candidate for Governor of California and she's doing it with style. Well, a style. Some would say it's not a style but more of an annoying, repetitive and childish attack ad campaign. You know, style.

While, "Why can't we trust Steve Poizner?" was already my mantra, she didn't have to ruin it by incessantly pairing it with carney music. But let's take a look at what else the possible first female Governor of California's been up to:

Besides the attack ads, which I will expand upon later, she’s had two scandals so far. The first, concerning profiting from “spinning” which is when executives receive a portion of a third party company in exchange for attracting that company’s business to the broker. She earned $1.78 million. And then she paid $3 million back to eBay investors and resigned from the board of Goldman Sachs in 2002 after she was caught. Now, that's a return on your investment.

The second scandal was her lack of voting. On 9/30/09 “Whitman has acknowledged that her voting registration and voting record was ‘atrocious’ and apologized.”

On 10/5/09 she then stated in the Sacramento Bee, "While my voting record is nothing to be proud of, I have voted on numerous occasions.”

Her campaign then tried to combat her lack of voting habits by saying that it couldn’t find any voting information for California Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinstein during the 1980s. “But The Bee was able to find state records that dated Pelosi's San Francisco County voting registration to Feb. 12, 1987, something it could not do for Whitman. The state record shows Feinstein's current registration dates to 1995.” So she doesn't like to vote. I mean, it's not like voting has anything to do with being elected to office. Girl Power.

Concerning the negative campaign ads against Steve Poizner, she’s using mockery voice over along with that jokey carnival theme song style I mentioned earlier. The ads use the technique of numbering the reasons “Why we can’t trust Steve Poizner? Reason #12.” That’s right, they start at twelve and go to 29: 12, 13, 14, 16, 21, 29. But there are only 6 reasons and they duplicate and overlap and therefore there’s really only four. So you know she’s good at numbers.

The attack ad youtube channel is entitled “Can’tTrustSteve’s Channel” which seems more like a commentary on the Channel than on Steve himself.

Ads “Reasons 29” and “13” are both the same reason: taxes and he “weakened prop 13.” Which is a Prop concerning taxes. And “Reason 12” is only missing one of those components: it concerns taxes but this time Whitman compared him to Pelosi rather than bringing up Prop 13.

In “Reason 21” she pointed out that Poizner contributed to Al Gore’s 2000 Presidential campaign. But one could mention that Whitman contributed to Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer herself.

She also doesn’t mention that’s she’s a Republican in her ads. Because, this is California and we don't vote conservative. Yes on Prop 8 much?

At the very end of the main video on CantTrustSteve’s youtube channel it lists quotes on his tax record. One of the quotes says “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” – Hogue News. So I went to that site and that’s the entire header on a section, it’s not the truncation of a sentence. The entire quote is “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” This site calls itself “Hogue News Relevant, Contemporary and Uniquely Conservative.” The quote right next to the one mentioned above states “Is Poizner ‘Pro-tax’” – Hogue News. So I checked that one and it’s a portion of the headline wherein the subheader of “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” appears. So they’re quoting the same headlines twice. Not even sentences, just portions of headlines.

But really the greatest scandal uncovered about Meg Whitman is the claim on her website which states that she “fell in love with California as a young girl. While Meg was born and raised in Long Island, New York,” she did spend “three months car-camping” here. Really, Meg Whitman? Did you really "fall in love" with California because I have evidence to the contrary. I believe that you fell in love with Steve Poizner as a little girl and have been chasing him ever since.

I mean, how else would you account for this: Whitman announced her candidacy in February 2009. So she’s been running over a year now, spending $19 million on her campaign in 2009 alone. And is currently winning in the polls for the Republican nomination. Meg Whitman for Governor, because she wants to hurt Steve Poizner just like he hurt her so very long ago.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Separate But Equal?

Watching the video of Rep. Emanuel Cleaver being spat upon by a Tea Party protester reminds me that they'll always be The Jim Crow Party to me.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I Hate Illinois Nazis

A Fox News "Reporter" said "when Nancy Pelosi walked through those Tea Partiers, it was like... the march through Skokie, Illinois, by the Nazis." Which went something like this...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Healthcare Intolerant

To be fair, the Teabaggers who spit on congressmen yesterday thought they were warding off evil spirits. That's how medicine works, right?

If they helped Tom Cruise with His Gay...

Kirstie Alley says Scientology has helped her with her weight. She's not fat, she's just big Thetaned.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Never Not Wrong

Mitt Romney recently embarked upon a book tour/2012 Presidential campaign with the release of “No Apology: The Case for American Greatness.” Therefore, I would like to make a literary comparison between “No Apology” and Jim Belushi’s tome entitled “Real Men Don’t Apologize.”

See if you can match the excerpt with the author:

1. “The year was 1987, and I was working on a little film called
‘Red Heat.’”

2. "There are anti-American fires burning all across the globe; President Obama's words are like kindling to them."

3. “To illustrate my point, I'm gonna tell you a story about a gourmet dinner I had with Mike Ditka.”

4. “The value of controlling Iran, for example, is enormous for the Khomeinist jihadists.”

5. “What I have to say might change your life. At the very least, it should help get you laid.”

Answer Key:
1. Belushi (also works for Arnold Schwarzenegger)
2. Romney (oddly enough if you replace Obama with Bush you’d be
quoting directly from Keith Olbermann’s autobiography)
3. Belushi (also works for “a steak the size of my arm”)
4. Romney (Note: The chapter on Iran was cut from Belushi’s book)
5. Belushi/Romney*

*I can only assume that Romney went into politics to change people’s lives... and to help get them laid.

And because at least one of these two books is full of quizzes which you should label yourself with and base all further life decisions upon, here’s another test, this time with multiple choice formatting:

1. “I found a community of men to help me. And, most importantly, I discovered that only a man can teach another man what being a man is all about.”
A. Belushi on support groups.
B. Romney on the Mormon Church.
C. Revelatory quote from whichever closeted homosexual Congressman has a scandal breaking as you read this.
2. "Life was like that television show."
A. Belushi on “According to Jim”
B. Romney on “Let’s Make a Deal”
C. Vague comment that people say when a surreal thing happens to them. Though, usually they say “It was like a movie.” So never mind.
3. "We need to make it work"
A. Romney on the current retirement health plan for seniors.
B. Belushi quoting his first wife on their marriage.
C. Tim Gunn’s catchphrase on “Project Runway.”
4. "‘They sent me boys when I need men.’"
A. Romney quoting a CEO from his early days in business.
B. Belushi quoting the casting agent from the first gig he booked in Hollywood.
C. General Erskine screaming to his Marines as they stormed Iwo Jima.
5. “Taming the beast.”
A. Romney’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Healing Healthcare”
B. Belushi’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Shacking Up”
C. Episode 38 of “The Dog Whisperer”
1. A. Belushi on support groups.
2. B. Romney on “Let’s Make a Deal”
3. A. Romney on the current retirement health plan for seniors.
4. A. Romney quoting a CEO from his early days in business.
5. A. Romney’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Healing Healthcare”

Congratulations! You’re a demographic.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Earthquake in Chile During Presidential Swearing In

But more importantly, they hand over power by transferring a sash? What is this, a Beauty Pageant? Why don't they just swap crowns and get it over with? I mean, where do people come up with--

This just in: The Queen of England was seen walking her Corgies whilst wearing the Crown Jewels. She realeased this statement: "There's nothing Monty and Willow like more than dressing up for a mad romp."

So anyways, earthquake.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Caligula's Orgy

Rep. Massa admitted that it was "inappropriate" to grab a male staff member while saying "What I really ought to be doing is frakking you." He's right, Klingon is a much more "appropriate" language of choice for sexual harassment.

If I Can Have You, No One Can

If Rush is so ready to leave the country over health care, let's all pitch in for the ticket.

Profitable Technological Advances

"The Jazz Singer" was the first full length "talkie" and the most profitable movie of its time.

"The Wizard of Oz" was on the cutting edge of Technicolor and is the most watched movie in film ever.

"Jaws 3-D" was "a soggy spectacle" and "marginally entertaining." -BBC Films, 1983

Monday, March 8, 2010


For a second I thought that lady was Kanye Westing the short documentary category. And then later it was confirmed that she was Kanye Westing her own film.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Always Mad

Ahmedinejad says that "9/11 was a 'big lie' to pave the way for invasion." Dude, why do you work so hard? Just change the numbers into letters: WMD's were a big lie to pave the way for invasion. See, not so hard and then you've jumped from fringe conspiracist blogger to Zionist NYTimes columnist. It's all about the hyperlinks, baby.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Currency Events

Reagan on the $50? Sure, makes sense, I mean, he did defeat the Confederacy during the Civil War.