Tuesday, June 29, 2010

We All Look Alike

So far, during Elena Kagan's Supreme Court confirmation hearings she's been compared to Thurgood Marshall and Sonia Sotomayor. To be fair, identical gray haired white guys in charge do have a problem telling minorities apart.

Now, of course I've compared her to...

British Comedian David Mitchell. Which I think makes a lot more sense.

Google Petroleum

In this video of the gulf oil spill we see the ocean on fire with dolphins struggling to swim as Google ads ask us to "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells." I took some screen shots of the video as the ads cycled through its offerings: "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells"

Slightly expanded offering: "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells: High Return Potential. Small Investment Required. www.breitlingoil.com"

High return potential indeed. Then it cycled to a slightly more appropriate "Help Dawn Save Wildlife".

And so here's one reason that relying on a Google program to choose your advertising based on search terms can give your PR man a heart attack. Happy investing.

Oh, Google Search Engine, will you ever be a real boy?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

General Paparazzi

A "Rolling Stone" entitled "The Runaway General", which was published today, reveals that when General McChrystal first met Obama, a week after he took office during a meeting with senior military officials at the Pentagon, that he "thought Obama looked 'uncomfortable and intimidated' by the roomful of military brass... Their first one-on-one meeting took place in the Oval Office four months later, after McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, and it didn't go much better. 'It was a 10-minute photo op,' says an adviser to McChrystal. 'Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was. Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The Boss was pretty disappointed.'"

He goes on to reveal his nickname for a certain member of Obama's administration: Vice President "Bite Me." This, comes after already getting himself in trouble for characterizing "the counterterrorism strategy being advocated by Vice President Joe Biden as 'shortsighted.'" And that "it would lead to a state of 'Chaos-istan.'" Those comments earned him a reprimanding by the President aboard Air Force One.

This time he's earned himself another face-to-face in the White House and I've got just the outfit for him.

Addendum: In light of McChrystal being relieved of command I would still like to recommend the outfit above for any future speaking engagements as it's designed more for pleasing the masses than for meeting a President. Well, this President anyway.

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Neda died a year ago this Sunday. And here is the life-risking documentary, for all involved, filmed inside Iran for HBO.

The day before she died the Basiji told her to stay home as the men aim for the most beautiful women because they're the most dangerous to them. In a country where the government uses martyrdom to rally its people behind its cause, that martyrdom was turned against itself in Neda.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

More Than One Mean-ing

You could read this CNN headline two ways: The sham Scientology marriage took Katie's soul way or the someone took advantage of people on vacation way.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

You Can Always Go Younger

I wrote this song last year after two separate teenagers went on solo sailing trips around the world, vying for the title of youngest to circumnavigate the globe. This caused me to think, like so many others, well, they're going to start pushing the boundaries of age until something bad happens. And now, a 16-year-old girl has very likely capsized in the Indian Ocean. Rescue teams are on their way there now.

And so here's to her safe recovery and the song that her previously anticipated story inspired:

It was a sunny day in the marina
A mother watched her son prepare

It wasn’t so much general practice
As much as it was a general dare

The sail boat was loaded
The reporters there to send him off

Around the world was his destination
A solo trip at any cost

Fast and swift and barely six… months old
He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

The reporter questioned his parent’s motives
They said he’s been sailing all his life
The reporter noted “that life’s been mighty short”
To which the father said, “that’s true, you’re right”

Blogs and books and diaper hooks
He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

Homeschooled he be
When he lives on the sea
To which the reporter surmised
He’ll live in the sea when he’s capsized

They made the boat ready to sail
The reporters converged without fail
I fear it will be more than a year before he… and his family reunite
But you never know, if there’s a miracle, he’ll stay upright

Fast and swift and barely six… months old
[As the boat sails away we hear crying through a baby monitor]
He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

You never know, he might stay upright
You never know, he might stay upright
[With a flourish]
Ol’ Billy

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Arschenhaller-Team

Wow, "The A-Team" Grauman's Chinese Theater premiere, way to copy the "Bruno" Grauman's Chinese Theater premiere.

Bruno's no doubt uberexcited about it as being immitated by The Arschenhaller-Team is a real honor. That Mr. T is definitely his kind of guy.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Similes are the gate of today: instead of Spillgate it's Obama's Katrina, his 9/11. I'm happy to be rid of gate but this is just as stupid.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Shhh, Maybe It'll Slip Their Minds

You may have noticed that Iran hasn't been demonstrating about the Flotilla Raid. Well, that's because next Saturday is the anniversary of the whole Presidential election thing and they know if they tell their people to demonstrate against Israel, they'll respond "You want a demonstration, I'll give you a demonstration." And out come the green shirts. So, give it a week and back to Twitter to monitor the situation. I still can't say "the situation" without thinking of "The Jersey Shore." Dammit, Snooki, stay out of my Iranian politics.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Blair Witch Town?

I was just reading an article in the LA Times about the Blair Witch town. I lived less than 10 miles from this town, I'd been driven through this town and when Blair Witch came out I realized that I had never even heard of this town. Or the Witch for that matter, but that was with good cause. What the town was actually known for was that if you stopped your car on an incline just above the "town," a Civil War ghost would push it up the hill for you, optical illusion style, and then hiking the Appalachian Trail. Yes, the ghost hiked the Appalachian Trail, he was pretty health conscious. That, or he was having an affair with an Argentinian woman. It's hard to say.