Nybor City

Paterno

2012-01-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Wait, wait, there's just one little thing I forgot to mention. Ah, you know what? Never mind, it's no big deal.

Oh, Racism

2012-01-16T23:56:00.000-08:00

I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to do light janitorial work. -Rush Limbaugh 2012

Kayaking Santa Cruz

2012-01-04T22:33:00.000-08:00

While taking the ferry back from a cave kayaking trip on Santa Cruz Island on December 23rd, an hour out of Ventura Harbor, CA we came across two pods of Orca. Our guide said that it was the most he'd seen in 24 years of guiding. Today, the LA Times published an article that said that spotting Orca is a rare occurrence and that the two families had been spotted off of the Palos Verdes Peninsula this weekend and had been seen in Ventura previously. A priori my shot below is one of the Killer Whales that they were writing about.

This was my first wild Orca. I like him.

That section of the water that looks like it's on fire, is a humpback whale exhaling via his tiny grey sliver.

Santa Cruz cave kayaking was the goal of the trip and so here's that perspective.

This Sea Lion winked at me.

Posthumous King Jung Il sighting on the ferry ride over.

That's me.

Rampage

2011-12-10T17:16:00.001-08:00

Here is today's winner for best heckler style comeback in the comment section of an article about the guy who shot up Sunset and Vine yesterday.

Post-Apocalyptic Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T21:45:00.001-08:00

Little known fact, this salty crane was not the inspiration for the sitcom character Frasier Crane.

I found the ground in Salton Sea to be mushy on the inside and crunchy on the outside. Like a middle aged hippie who slowly but surely ruins trailer parks.

I'm not sure that your engineering proposal is the most sound solution for the situation but I'll take it under advisement. Also, you should go ahead and run a spell check before your next publication.

Little known fact, this Rusty Trailer Roof was not the inspiration for the B-52s lyric "Tin Roof, Rusted"

Widely known fact, this is what Indian Jones' fridge should have looked like after it was nuked.

The short term destiny of every fish in the Salton Sea.

Isn't it beautiful how close to the surface a dead pelican floats?

Don't do it bird, don't you get in that water.

The cacti insisted that I photograph them from their backlit side.

All right already, I get it. No means no.

A little known fact, The Trouble With Tribbles episode of the original Star Trek series was not based on these cactus balls.

Trapped bird beaks.

Occupy LA

2011-10-15T17:42:00.001-07:00

And he's definitely not happy about it.

Vintage demonstrator.

Seems like kids all look the same these days.

Does Will Ferrell know you're using his-- Of course he does. You always do.

Max Headroom. Never forget.

Cleaning up the streets one layer of skin at a time.

Establishing shot.

These people probably aren't sleeping in tents. Not with that hair.

"LA is the new Benghazi" Only when the Lakers win.

Looks like Real Steel's going the guerrilla marketing route.

Just like the 49ers, the 99ers stencil their shirts with baby blue paint poured from a latte cup.

Too Soon?

2011-09-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Which stands out to you first in this photo that I took at Nordstroms tonight: the Kids' Wear sign or the Kids' Wear nipples?

Mistaken Identity

2011-09-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

In the delusional caption category, the I-don't-know-what-words-mean hands down winner is, Erika who describes her style as "bad-ass."

Perry/Cain/Gingrich

2011-09-22T20:51:00.001-07:00

During the Republican Presidential Debate this evening when asked whom amongst the people on the stage the candidates would pick as their running mate, Rick Perry said that his perfect VP would be "if you could take Herman Cain and mate him up with Newt Gingrich." Which allowed me to discover that one, Perry takes the term "mate" WAY too literally. And two, that Herman Cain rocks Newt's hairdo WAY better than he does.

Beat Politics

2011-09-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

Those politicians who emerged from beneath the long hair after the rebellious years to lead this country into its endless nightmare of forgotten war were never that which they seemed but that which made them belong... or be longed for.

The Big Bang Theory

2011-05-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

Physical Science

2011-05-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

Guess Whose Mom Just Got An iPhone?

2011-05-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

Aesthetics

2011-04-24T21:29:00.001-07:00

I thought to myself, while gazing at a satellite dish on someone's balcony today, they should really make decorative covers for these things. Now team logos make a lot of sense but if you're not into sports, what are the options? Apparently monster cat heads are a potential eyesore option to cover up your monster eyesore.

Presidential Peru

2011-04-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

I can't decide which quote I like better from this article about the Peruvian presidential race: "Pinata of corruption" or "It's like choosing between AIDS and terminal cancer."

Arabic Reflections

2011-04-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

The sun's at it again. Yesterday it was catalyzing photosynthesis in my water fountain, this time it's writing Arabic on my ceiling.

Specifically, the letter "Nuun".

And then possibly the rings of Saturn.

So I guess I can expect something to happen on Saturn around noon, but it's 12:45 right now. Must have missed it.

P.S. I recorded this video while that guy dumped his drink on that baseball player. Bit of a Bartman, don't you think?

Viral Change

2011-04-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

Three slaves sought asylum with the Union, a Libyan woman sought to tell her story to journalists. Someone has to step forward, as it is not politicians who bring change upon us but it is us who bring change upon politicians. Or at least, that's what this week's poll says.

Pearls

2011-04-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

It was a wild, yet formal relationship.

Trisomy 21

2011-03-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

Other than getting the spelling AND the number of Chromosomes involved in "Mongoloidism" wrong, I can find no other problems with this craigslist posting.

MC Homicide, the dopest up and coming rapper in Suffolk County needs Mongoloid rappers for a Rap-Off competition.

Recently acquitted from his 7th murder trial, MC Homicide is ready to show the world his skillz by defeating over 100 Mongoloid rappers in rap-off at the Red Lobster in Times Square next week.

Just off the road from a tour of tri-state area group homes, his new smash hit, "Mongoloidz Ain't Shit" has already gone triple platinum in South Jersey and now its time to show the world what he can do

You must have flow, a good look and all but one of your intended chromosones.

Send your headshot and myspace link for review.

To view a clip of MC Homicide dissing a ho, click here: http://vimeo.com/19667835

Trend Spotting

2011-03-27T14:40:00.001-07:00

The alcohol monitor anklet has expanded it's influence to the slightly derivative mic pac on your shoe. Very practical, CNN, and oddly one of the only times that your plethora of graphics aren't covering up the money shot.

Chinese Professor

2011-03-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, this ad just played on CNN.

The main actor must be just as proud of himself for playing an evil Chinese professor as the guys who specialize in playing those incredibly racist Muslim terrorist roles. If he wanted to sell out, couldn't he have just played a bad driver in an Allstate commercial, or something?

Tea and Rape

2011-03-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

The good news is, it looks like Fox News can report the Libyan struggle from the breakfast buffet. The bad news is, due to this desperate woman being drug out of a hotel lobby full of journalists, who thought the hotel staff were regular hotel staff and not members of Gaddafi's regime, they now know who's serving them their coffee. Way to blow your cover, bus boys and desk clerks, way to blow your cover.

Baby Doll on Concrete

2011-03-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Look, everyone's got their shortcomings. Sure I've got mittens for hands but Ken's got a lump for a dick so I think it all kinda evens out. Now, go tell Woody I'm still out here waiting for my fucking rescue, wouldja?

The Sardine Times

2011-03-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

Looks like due to it's countless sacrifices for the good of animal and man, god finally decided that the only thing he was going to take up in The Rapture was the oxygen in the Redondo Beach Harbor saying that "Redondo Beach's Oxygen is always sacrificing it's brotherly pair bond for the trinity of toxin removal. CO2, mofo's. C. O. 2."

Welcome to The OC, bitch

2011-03-03T14:58:00.000-08:00

This video of an anti-Muslim protest brings a little less teen drama a little more Tea Party guana to the phrase "Welcome to The OC, bitch." While one is decidedly less cool than the other, the meaning remains the same in that the use of the word "welcome" implies quite the opposite that you, in fact, cannot handle what The OC is all about and should therefore leave. And what is it that The television OC and The Tea Party OC are all about? Privileged White People.

And so I ask, these can't-you-see-that-you-look-like-you're-protesting-Brown-vs-Board-of-Education-integration style protesters, don't you have an anti-worker's rights rally to attend in Wisconsin or something... bitch.

Middle East Uprising Timeline

2011-02-25T17:13:00.000-08:00

If I can just sum up how this whole Middle East uprising started, I guess I would have to begin with the time Gaddafi sent his Libyan attack force to the past in order to wipe out Doc Brown so that he couldn't play the bad guy in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" which was the movie playing in a suburban Tunis Drive In Theater that inspired the Tunisians to rise up against their crooked cartoon overlords which in turn inspired the Egyptians to rise up against their crooked cartoon overlords which in turn inspired the Libyans to rise up against their crooked cartoon overlords. But **SPOILER ALERT** Doc Brown survived. So all of that happened and here is where we find ourselves.

In a nutshell.

Sex Makes People Uncomfortable

2011-02-19T14:45:00.000-08:00

It was amazing to hear the deafening silence that Bill Maher was met with last night on his show when he said that the Middle East needs a “sexual revolution.” Of course he followed it with comments that lumped all Arab men together as sexist, which is not going to help your argument. I have dated Muslim and non-Muslim Middle Eastern men and I was met with the same “Not Without My Daughter” prejudices that are best summed up by what one Pakistani guy said to me “Be careful, Iranian guys are violent.” They’re like any other guy, some are, some aren’t and then there’s Charlie Sheen.

But the point that he made about a “sexual revolution” is the one that I would like to concentrate on. It is what happened in the United States in order that women could achieve equal rights. I believe the word “sexual” is what caused the panel to freeze as he had not mentioned any of the other generalizing statements as of yet. I took him to mean a gender revolution, not a go out and whore it up 1969 style revolution. Though he might have meant that but I’ll keep going along the lines that he meant a gender revolution because that is by all means what needs to happen. Women need to gain the right to make their own decisions such as whether to drive or not, whether to vote or not, whether to leave the house without the escort of a male relative or not.

During World War I when women began wearing the pants of a factory worker they then went on to wear the pants at home, gaining the right to vote two years after the war was over. I understand if you want to be modest in your dress, including covering your head, people are very hesitant to speak on this topic but you should have the choice to do so or not to do so, that is freedom. I also support the right of students in France to wear the hijab to school if they want. It goes both ways and women are always at the center of these arguments because they are the most easy to identify as a “certain type of Muslim.” Because, let’s face it, if wearing a beard means you’re a fundamentalist, then these hipsters have a lot of explaining to do.

But I was thoroughly surprised that the panel didn't get on to the topic of the lack of basic rights for women in some Middle Eastern countries, instead they responded to his generalizations and made, as he said, "false equivalencies" to the hardships that women still experience in the United States. Yes, I face a lot of sexism in my industry but I am in my industry (barely), I wear pants to work, and I always, always vote.

Everybody's Elton John These Days

2011-02-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

The Grammys really took a chance pairing up Cee Lo Green for a duet with Triumph The Insult Comic Dog last night.

Go Iran, Get Your Egypt On

2011-02-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to slowly ball up this anti-Ahmedinejand poster and hopefully-- Oh, shit!

Working in Memphis

2011-01-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

On my first film job I went on location to Memphis for 6 months and the question that always came up amongst the crew was "Been to Graceland yet?" "Yeah, it's much smaller than I imagined." But the place that you really need to experience is the Lorraine Motel where Martin Luther King was assassinated which has been turned into a Civil Rights Museum. It's most surreal to stand inside the last motel room he would ever inhabit and look out the window at the spot where he fell, the emotion of this museum is absolutely unique. But yeah, the jungle room does have floor-to-ceiling shag carpeting.

Stem Beck

2010-12-16T23:57:00.000-08:00

While discovering that the Fox News description of Glenn Beck's show "provides an unconventional look at... everyday hassles" I thought, finally a teary-eyed Andy Rooney. But then I thought "Have you ever noticed that the product displayed above the description which is labeled Stem Cell Therapy is at odds with Beck's stance on Stem Cell Research? I mean, him being a Christian and all." So when I watched the advertisement posted below, I wondered, why the change of heart?

So I dug around to find out what Glenn has to say on the topic of stem cell research. Short story, he's against it. Long story, he spoke about Michael J. Fox on his radio show and how you shouldn't let the family of victims make decisions in the court room because wanting scientists to research Parkinson's Disease is purely emotional and if his daughter was raped, he'd want to cut the guy's head off. I mean, you know, you listen to the recording, but that's the gist of what I heard.

And:
"Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research, and then some, fundamentally changing – remember, those great progressive doctors are the ones who brought us Eugenics. It was the progressive movement and it science. Let’s put science truly in her place. If evolution is right, why don’t we just help out evolution? That was the idea. And sane people agreed with it!

And it was from America. Progressive movement in America. Eugenics. In case you don’t know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person."

But if stem cell researchers are Nazis, why would he allow a product called Stem Cell Therapy to advertise on his show? And then I realized that HIV, Parkinson's Disease, diabetes, infertility, paralysis... had nothing on the most unforgivable career killer of them all... wrinkles. And that looking "up to 15 years younger starting the very first day" is the most important research that this nation can conduct. You know the old adage: To age is human, to greatly slow down the process of aging is divine.

I Guess We're Just Gonna Have to Disagree to Disagree

2010-11-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

A group called American Atheists has put up an anti-Christmas billboard near the Lincoln Tunnel which reads "You KNOW it's a Myth. This Season, Celebrate REASON!"

And so you would figure that an article reporting on this topic would of course inspire Christian individuals to post comments concerning the billboard. But the real question is: how quickly do the posts get to the topic of Obama's birth certificate? Well, here's the progression that gets us there: 11 posts in, Obama's an "atheist":

Because of course he's a communist Muslim. And a mere 4 posts later VOX114 is back with "Christians don't attend a 'church'":

And then 29 posts later, VOX114 is back with "militant homosexuals join the atheist movement..."

I'm beginning to suspect a troll and then we're almost thrown off track by abortion:

But thankfully, "someone else" comes along with the Obama birth certificate question:

And so we find that in the most ritualistic of ways, any comment section can get off topic into something that isn't a topic at all. Happy Cyber Monday, to the most famous red suited socialist in the mall.

Musings on Quincy

2010-11-23T21:44:00.001-08:00

Tattooed hands of a man I met in the Hancock Cemetery in Quincy, MA. He claimed to be a Freemason, as per the clove tattoo, but then asked me if I knew what the skull and wings symbol at the top of the headstones from the 1600s meant. You'd think a guy with a skull tattooed on his hand would know these things. But we got to chatting and one of his other two friends pulled up his shirt sleeve to show me the name Robin encased in a dagger tattoo on his forearm, placed there as a commitment to a long ago ex-girlfriend. And I replied, my name's spelled with a y.

Here's the skull and wings from the previous story.

Kinda reminds me of the Day of the Dead.

Not a bad sign to wear at the airport.

Birthplace of John Adams (the guy who was President)

The State of Journalism

2010-11-22T06:10:00.000-08:00

Really, Washington Post, "dressed in a Luke Skywalker costume"? I mean, breaking the Watergate story was great but since then, your fact checking has gone down hill.

God Agenda

2010-11-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

The It Gets Better Campaign has drawn attention to the prevalence of suicide among homosexual youths which has prompted some school systems to include homosexuality in their tolerance curriculum which in turn is coming up against Christian outrage.

Pastor Rick DeMato of Liberty Baptist Church in Montana, while shocked by the new guidelines in his school system, said "Of course we’re all against bullying." But is he really? It's difficult for an anti-bullying campaign to get through to people who worship the biggest bully in history. Read his book, if you don't agree with his agenda then... wrath, vengeance, it doesn't get better. It's like the vicious cycle of battered children becoming abusive parents, they don't know any better because that's how they were taught to deal with those who don't follow their rules.

Pastor DeMato went on to say "But the Bible says very clearly that homosexuality is wrong, and Christians don’t want the schools to teach subjects that are repulsive to their values.”

Here's the thing, I get it that you don't agree with homosexuality but don't claim you're against bullying, because you're not. It's part of your curriculum. And that is why we have separation of church and state. No matter what Christine O'Donnell "thinks."

Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Olbermann

2010-11-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

"Keith Olbermann was suspended over political donations."

How long till he gets scooped up by FOX? Oh, wait, never mind, they're looking for racists and failed politicians. Silly me, ethics violations are a requirement at the corporate level.

Sane Insanity

2010-11-01T23:14:00.001-07:00

Argument between a Tea Partier and Ralliers for Sanity and/or Fear which I captured on my iPhone in DC. It was the only argument that I witnessed at the event. Political that is, I mean, I'm sure there was a lot of, I can't hear a thing, if we had gotten up an hour earlier like I said, then we wouldn't be in this mess.

As compared to the crazy town of insane protesters that I experienced at Obama's inauguration, that was just a conversation inspired by a prop truck. Near the end of this video are some of those megaphone types from 2008.

Here are some of the photos that I captured at the rally as well.

Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear

2010-10-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

At first I thought his message was about having your head up your ass but then he turned around and the statement became more obvious.

The subway was so crowded that my back was arched over someone's backpack. On the plus side, I did have good lumbar support.

One of two protesters. The other one was much more extreme, I'll upload later as those photos are on another camera.

I feel the need to say that this is Dr. Strangelove for those of you who wonder why I'm taking a picture of a man in a wheelchair putting his gloves on.

Okay, this is definitely a Comic-Con crowd.

Picked a Look and Basically Stuck With It

2010-10-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

I found some of The Rent is Too Damn High Guy's earlier work in a film called "Mom and Dad Save the World" starring Jon Lovitz and Teri Garr.

In case you missed it, here's the trailer to give you an idea of how groundbreaking this film was in 1992.

And if you're familiar with the platform of The Rent is Too Damn High party, then here's that.

The Body of Language

2010-10-28T01:49:00.001-07:00

Oh, the difference a photo choice makes. Below I've placed the front page photo choices by the top three 24-hour news outlets of Obama's appearance on "The Daily Show".

Let's start with CNN:

Stewart's smiling and Obama's on the defensive. That's an accurate portrayal of how the interview went overall. And the headline reads "Obama, Jon Stewart Square Off Over Audacity Vs. Timid". Also very accurate as that is what they indeed did.

Now let's take a look at MSNBC:

Okay, so MSNBC used the exact same photo as CNN, they're both leaned forward, Stewart's smiling and Obama's on the defensive. The headline reads "Obama on 'The Daily Show': 'We have done an awful lot.'" MSNBC chose to highlight Obama's achievements rather than what will more likely be concentrated on and that is the debate itself resulting from Stewart not backing down from the questions that many wanted him to ask.

Now, let's take a look at FOX News:

This, to use a term that Bill O'Reilly is so fond of using, tells you so much about the body language of the two individuals. Here, we can see Obama on the attack, hand outstretched, as Stewart recoils in fear and the headline reads "Obama Rejects 'Timid' Characterization on 'Daily Show'". Yes, Obama rejected the word "'Timid' when applied to his legislation but the use of the word "Characterization" implies that Stewart was calling the President himself timid which is funny for FOX to do when the photo tells me more about the body language that FOX News wants to portray than anything else, which is that he's angry and hostile as this photo implies that he's physically attacking anyone who dares oppose him.

So CNN says "audacity vs. timid", MSNBC says "Obama... done a lot" and FOX News says "rejects timid." Let's break down some of the simple language used by the reporters in their articles for these three outlets in order to show their "take" on things:

CNN article: "Obama said", "Obama said", "the president said", "Obama said", "Obama invoked".

MSNBC Article: "the president said", "the president responded", "Obama added", "the president replied".

FOX article: "Obama shot back", "Obama lamented", "Obama said but went on to argue", "Obama joked", "Obama defended", "the president argued".

First off, MSNBC, CNN, and FOX, I know you're probably just bloggers but the p in the President is capitalized. You should know that if you're going to use it that often, MSNBC. Second off, I'd say that CNN and MSNBC used basically innocuous words in this circumstance but FOX, the use of "shot back" and especially "lamented" really shows us your point of view. I get "defended" and "argued" because that is what he did but you know "lamented" makes him seem sad and "shot back" goes towards that violent thing that FOX likes to project. And I do mean project.

Now, the photo I used above for FOX was the one in the body of the article and not on the front page. So here's the front page photo.

This one puts Stewart on the defensive but they do look like they just might kiss. So it's a combo of an MSNBC and a FOX News photo choice. But let's take a look at the other articles you can link to just beneath it.

"Obama Says Summers Did 'A Heckuva Job'", is a link to a Wall Street Journal Article which of course then talks about it being a Bush reference concerning former FEMA Director Brownie and Hurricane Katrina which we all know, so anyways. But the photo at the top of the article is the same one that I posted above with the outreached hand and when you go to the actual Wall Street Journal article there is an entirely different photo.

So FOX chose to repost their choice of photo rather than the one to the left that the Wall Street Journal chose to go along with their article which has both men smiling and leaning forward.

The next article link which was below the FOX News front page photo above is "OPINION: Obama's Sad, Surprising Words". Now this link has nothing to do with the interview, it has to do with the newest FOX News creation which stems from a quote from a speech that Obama made in Philadelphia on October 10th, "It's the Republicans. And they say, what are they saying? They say, we want the keys back... They can't have the keys back. They don't know how to drive... They can ride with us, if they want. But they got to get in the back seat, because - because we want to go forward. We don't want the special interests riding shotgun. I just want everybody to notice when you get in your car and you want to go forward, what do you do? You put the car in "D," if you're going backwards, what do you do? You put the car in "R." That's not a coincidence."

FOX News has decided that the above Obama quote was an allusion to riding in the back of the bus. Last time I checked, passengers on buses don't tend to ride shotgun and taking the keys to the car is, well, he said it, it's an obvious allusion to his feeling that Republicans were leading the country in the wrong direction and he would like to have a turn for a little while. And he most definitely was not literally saying that there should be separate seating for Republicans on public transportation.

So as I was saying, journalists can influence opinions through simple image and word choices but when you start adding things that weren't even there like when Sean Hannity of FOX News said on his very own show that "President Obama actually said Republicans can go to the back of the bus." When what he said was "back seat". Well, you can read into all the implications you want as I have in my assessment of photos but how in this time of easily accessible recordings can you make up quotes? I know why you do it. It's just amazing that it works. I know that you want to influence your base and have your reporters report on you and then bloggers repeat what you have said and then suddenly it's a quote but it's your quote, not Obama's quote and that's what gets lost and then suddenly they're printing it on T-shirts.

Man Up?

2010-10-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

What's the not my first thought way to get to the topic of gay marriage you ask? Write an article about your 3-year-old son wanting to dress up as a princess for Halloween and watch the gender-identity-must-be-maintained-at-all-costs comments roll in.

A female sports writer for the Chicago Tribune wrote the article of which I speak. I've captured some of the choice comments posted herein. The one below is by a commenter named "VOICE OF REASON" who has not only used a photo of a chimpanzee scratching his chin in contemplation to identify himself but he has also used the number one catch phrase on the list of the Top 10 political catch phrases according to Fox News: "man up." Now, immediately after stating that the author's husband should "man up" he continues that he should "be his own person, with his own ideas, instead of a mindless drone." I can't tell you how much I enjoy the use of the term "mindless drone" when used by someone doing exactly what they are accusing someone else of doing. Especially when the accused is doing the opposite of what the accuser is himself actually doing. Which is to say that "VOICE OF REASON" is being a mindless drone in his adherence to rigidly guarded gender roles.

I mean, Republican candidate for Governor of California Meg Whitman obviously has no issue with men in dresses. In fact, just last week she linked to the following video in her Twitter feed.

This next commenter "Chicagobrother" "doesn't have the time", and he also "doesn't have the patience to REALLY break this down," and yet the bulk of his comment comes after this statement, therefore some "time" must have been freed up and his "patience" must have been restored. I don't know, that whole saying a lot of words after saying that you were planning on not using a lot of words sounds sort of girlie to me. But when he's done breaking down his offense at the idea "that boys are 'naturally' drawn to pink" and that "it seems to me you wished you had a daughter instead of a boy", he does finally definitively tell us that he in fact has "got nothing left to say."

And so with that finished, "SwingingChad" decided to pick up the torch of the comment section... AND the contested 2000 Presidential election AND very likely a dick reference, all in one screen name AND then go on to make the first gay marriage comment of the section. "SwingingChad" posits that "by the time the tike is an adult, gay marriage will be legal", he even goes so far as to plan the wedding outfits with "the only question is, who is the wife and who is the bride. I think you know the answer." And so the only question is, "SwingingChad", where in this sentence does the question mark go. I'm not sure if you know the answer, tyke?

In conclusion, which is more shocking? This?

Or this?

Nose Poop

2010-10-22T17:32:00.000-07:00

Is this what graffiti's been saying all along? Well, that's not so bad.

Warehouse 13: Buried

2010-10-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

Since I was out of the country when my episode posted online, I thought that I'd link to it now.

Pistol Lipped

2010-10-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

When they ran out of holsters, Brett could only see one option.

Brett had a gun in cheek style about him.

Brett had a shoot from the lip style about him.

Brett had an inside his face style about him.

Brett was particularly nervous his first day of gun fighting school.

Brett's orthodontist had unorthodox yet highly ineffective methods.

Brett was a quick if woefully inaccurate gunfighter.

Daisy Dukes for the Saudi Set

2010-10-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

Good Eyeball Work

2010-09-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

Bora Indian Girl

I did a report on Ocelots in elementary school but I just can't help feeling like this one's looking right through me.

And yet, it's the orange color, not its tarnished reputation, that keeps me from drinking it.

Iquitos Logistics

2010-09-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

After my MacBook Pro decided that vibrating at 2 second intervals was the way to react to the usual ungrounded Peruvian electrical source, I mimed my way through the purchase of a power strip, then pried the outlet cover off and bent the grounding prong so that it touched one of the screws. More MacGruber than MacGyver. I know, I know, vibrator and screw.

Otherwise, this is my favorite entrance to the jungle sign...

And this is the most efficient use of a road...

And this, is the plane that they should wash so that I might not think that they have abandoned planes on the side of the runway at Iquitos airport.

Packing for the Amazon

2010-09-17T03:09:00.000-07:00

I fit all of this...

... into these...

Then, I went to the airport, dropped my ticket and after retracing my steps, found it in the furthest restaurant from the gate where they were calling final boarding. Now, I'm at Lima Airport where my 5 hour layover turned into 6 hours and 10 minutes and they moved the gate downstairs. But everything fit and that was really the hardest part... so far.

Truthfully Incorrect

2010-09-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

Tea Party Senate nominee, Christine O'Donnell claimed 12 years ago that she wouldn't lie to Nazis if she were harboring Jews in her home because lying is wrong. Would sending a pregnant Jew to death count as accessory to abortion? Tune in for the sinful conundrums and stay for the nostalgia of Eddie Izzard's transvestite period.

This is the portion that everyone's a twitter about.

And this the portion that proceeded it.

My EP of Warehouse 13

2010-09-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

Here's the promo and it airs next week (9/14).

Oh, No Comment Section

2010-09-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hey, MSNBC, do you read the articles that you link to? Cause, the article, "Hiker Rescued in Angeles National Forest", which you linked to from NBCLosAngeles.com has all of the qualities of a blog post that someone didn't bother to proof before they posted it.

The first sentence just seemed a little redundant: "...was seriously injured when she was hurt..." So, she was injured, as well as hurt. Very thorough.

But then the second sentence, that's where it starts to really get sloppy: "The 20-year-old woman was at the goofing around near..." What a coincidence! The goofing around near is my favorite spot to hike.

And then there was this sad spelling situation: "...it was all for not..." Well, at least he didn't spell it knot. Naught that he would no the difference.

Finally, my favorite part of local LA news laziness: "That was good new for the female hiker who was hurt and really need help." Oh, person who works for the evening new. I really need that.

My last post was about the inanity of comment sections but at least those inane comment sections were allowed to exist, this article has no comment section for to make fun of its content with.

Here's a screen capture just in case they take it down:

Oh, Comment Section

2010-09-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

You are the most reliable source for a laugh on this big blue planet of ours. Obviously, if you're at the bottom of an article about politics, then you're going to get over the top political from the get go but it usually takes about 20 comments for an article about a dog saving its owner from a coyote attack to get around to questioning Obama's birth record. But this one, I mean, I thought, "Sunbather Run Over by Newport Beach Lifeguard Seeks $850,000", well, that makes much more sense than 3 million for a lap full of McDonald's coffee. But take a look at this screen capture of the first three comments:

Right from the first post, it gets fairly silly and then by the third we're on to immigration reform. From actual broken pelvis to assumed illegal immigrant in no time flat. I mean, how did you skip right over health care reform? This was a great opportunity for that. But what I think we should all learn from this is that welfare queens, global warming myth, terrorists.

So You Say You Have Written a "Visitor's Guide" to DC?

2010-08-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the web page for the "MAINE REFOUNDERS/ Tea Party. Dedicated to Preserving the Constitution!" I know, it's a mouthful. And what is immediately evident is that they really enjoy varying uses of punctuation. Just take a look at their and my equally inspired blog title, "So You Are Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" You'll notice that they didn't use a contraction when any native speaker knows that "So You Are Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" should actually read "So You're Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" Therefore, I do have to call into question the nationality of Andrew Ian Dodge for his non use of contraction as the "author" of this blog. I mean, if someone says "lift" instead of elevator in a movie, we know that's the spy, that dude definitely learned English from the KGB and not growing up in a working class suburban family like the rest of us Americans.

And so, I was equally inspired by his further use of punctuation when he noted: "(Dupont Circle, gay area)". Therefore, I will translate his punctuation prevalent punditry parenthetically:

"Many parts of DC are safe beyond the areas I will list here, but why chance it if you don't know where you are?" (black area)

"DC's population includes refugees from every country, as the families of embassy staffs of third world countries tend to stay in DC whenever a revolution in their homeland means that anyone in their family would be in danger if they went back. Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country..." (foreign black area)

"If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night." (black area) Though, I'd like to add, not exactly. You know these lines all cross through The Mall which is coincidentally where the rally is being held. Oh, my god! Glenn Beck is black!

"But you don't know where you are so you cannot go, especially at night, unless you take me with you." (is this guy hitting on me? area)

And finally, there's just one travel tip missing from this blog: What's the exchange rate at the border crossing? (these white people sure are scared of black people area)

All Balls, No Brakes

2010-08-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

What do you want to bet this guy doesn't wear a helmet?

Balls of steel, brains of mush.

Trophy balls.

Go nads.

Career Metaphor

2010-08-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Gibson crashes Maserati into a Malibu hillside. Was he disappointed in his a)

self, b)

midlife-crisis-mobile or c)

geological formations?

Wanderings

2010-08-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

I took this photo while speaking to my friend on speakerphone via the very same device. Our topic: getting a key made. I feel the passersby may have been concerned that I was having a conversation with this snail about trying to get into his teeny tiny house. When in reality, the snail only asked me one question: does this make my ass look big? And I was like, what? Did you just get the Larry Sanders box set on DVD? And he was said, I wrote that joke for Gary Shandling. And I was duly impressed. Long story short, we're getting coffee next week.

Historical Doppelganger

2010-08-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

I posted this in June during Elena Kagan's confirmation hearings but I believe it bears repeating: British comedian David Mitchell looks a hell of a lot like Elena Kagan.

See what I mean?

And even though you've never heard of him, he's BIG in England. And therefore, in honor of Kagan's successful confirmation I repost my point so that Mitchell can get straight to impersonating her as I know all male comedians enjoy dressing up as women and approximating our intolerably high voices.

Inclusion!

2010-08-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

A PRIVATE MORAL VIEW THAT SAME-SEX COUPLES ARE INFERIOR TO OPPOSITE-SEX COUPLES IS NOT A PROPER BASIS FOR LEGISLATION is my favorite chapter heading in the 136 page finding that was passed today in California declaring Prop 8 unconstitutional.

I decided to read the whole thing. Well, skim for great quotes and there were some but the most interesting thing that I found was the use of a 1973 ruling concerning the interpretation of the 14th Amendment:

"'It is difficult to conceive of a rational basis for penalizing [undocumented children] for their presence within the United States,' despite the state’s interest in preserving resources." This is a very interesting use of this ruling as part of the anti-Prop 8 argument that "A law must do more than disadvantage or otherwise harm a particular group." Take a moment and read that again. "A law must do more than disadvantage or otherwise harm a particular group." That's a good one. And that's really the crux of the argument, that one group declared that if another group had the same rights as them that they would be harmed when it's really the opposite of that. That exclusion is what causes harm not inclusion. This country was formed by those who were motivated by exclusion.

And so here is what I mean by that, the 14th Amendment is a hot topic in Arizona right now where they are looking for any way to reduce the numbers of illegal immigrants which currently is manifesting as a movement towards reinterpreting the 14th Amendment. You know, the one that overturned Dred Scott, the Supreme Court decision which held that "a negro of African descent, whose ancestors were of pure African blood and were brought into this country and sold as slaves" could never become a citizen. Yeah, that one. So there are those who want to amend that amendment in order to deny children born in the United States automatic citizenship depending on the status of their parents. You know, exclusion.

Political arguments and society in general is based on exclusion. Every one wants to feel special and if you exclude, then you'll be part of a minority. Yet, you only want to be part of a certain type of minority. Majority, minority, inclusion, exclusion, who's who, it's all getting pretty confusing. What I do know is that the children are our future because they're apparently the only ones with rights (except for undocumented children, but otherwise this argument stands).

So much of our nation's political arguments concentrate on the safety of children these days: marriage (in that if children learn about gay marriage they will become gay and also that children must be raised by a man AND a woman or they won't be well adjusted. Speaking from experience, I think we all know how that well adjusted thing turned out), immigration (in that adults get citizenship on the backs of the very children whose lives they're attempting to improve by moving here), abortion (all right, this one is a little more linear in that, it effects the safety of children, I mean, depending upon your definition of when a child begins cause lord knows they never stop. Can I get an amen?), stem cell research (see abortion), pedophilia (bull shit stereotype placed on gays when those who associate them with this should be looking at their most trusted "celibate" "moral" leaders).

Yes, kids should have a safe childhood but you spend more of your time as a maladjusted adult so there should be some rights for us adults. We want to be special and exclusionary. I guess that's where the voting age, the drinking age, the becoming President age comes into play. All right, so we get those three things and you babies get everything else. That seems fair.

I'd be interested to see if anyone else concentrates on the 14th Amendment being included in the finding as illegal immigrants are trending high in the political zeitgeist. And we all know that the top three threats to our way of life are foreigners, gays, and Sharks. Happy Shark Week, everybody.

Anyway, here are some of the quotes that stood out for me from the earlier portions of the Prop 8 ruling:

"Marrying a person of the opposite sex is an unrealistic option for gay and lesbian individuals." Sounds like a judgmental mother: Marrying a person of the opposite sex is an unrealistic option for you, honey.

"Discrimination against gays and lesbians occurs in California and in the United States." Part of the obvious section of the ruling.

"Proponents failed to put forth any credible evidence that married opposite-sex households are made more stable through Proposition 8." Find me a stable household and I'll find you a barn with some horses who live in the plural of that word that appears before household.

The Asses of Comic-Con

2010-07-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

My favorite Comic-Con ass.

Futurama representin'. You know what they say, it's the thong that makes the outfit.

I mean, right?

Destro and the Baroness. Not too shabby.

Mrs. Fields helping Bob's Big Boy maintain his boyish figure.

Steampunk butts.

A whole super family of asses.

Trash Man, possibly butt.

OG V butt.

Zelda's following frisbee, Tron, something or other butt.

More tail.

Between missions Uhura and Batman went their separate ways.

Dude, there's a Cylon right behind you.

Seriously, there is a Cylon right behind you!

Come on, The Crow, there is a Cylon right behind--

You want to know how I got these scars?

The future is now.

The Power of Suggestion

2010-07-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Scientists have found the recently exposed fossilized teeth of a whale, which was three times the size of a modern day killer whale, in coastal Peru. Last year I sand boarded and rode a bike through the Pisco-Ica desert, if I had known that there was a sea monster lurking beneath, well, it would have taken my mind off of the potential for being kidnapped while watching the dubbed into Spanish version of "Taken," a movie about being kidnapped while traveling in a foreign country, which was playing on an otherwise empty bus which I was was traveling by myself in along the comically desolate Pan-American highway. And what movie do you think was playing on the ride back: "Alive." Yeah, that's right, "Alive."

We All Look Alike

2010-06-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

So far, during Elena Kagan's Supreme Court confirmation hearings she's been compared to Thurgood Marshall and Sonia Sotomayor. To be fair, identical gray haired white guys in charge do have a problem telling minorities apart.

Now, of course I've compared her to...

British Comedian David Mitchell. Which I think makes a lot more sense.

Google Petroleum

2010-06-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

In this video of the gulf oil spill we see the ocean on fire with dolphins struggling to swim as Google ads ask us to "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells." I took some screen shots of the video as the ads cycled through its offerings: "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells"

Slightly expanded offering: "Invest in Oil & Gas Wells: High Return Potential. Small Investment Required. www.breitlingoil.com"

High return potential indeed. Then it cycled to a slightly more appropriate "Help Dawn Save Wildlife".

And so here's one reason that relying on a Google program to choose your advertising based on search terms can give your PR man a heart attack. Happy investing.

Oh, Google Search Engine, will you ever be a real boy?

General Paparazzi

2010-06-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

A "Rolling Stone" entitled "The Runaway General", which was published today, reveals that when General McChrystal first met Obama, a week after he took office during a meeting with senior military officials at the Pentagon, that he "thought Obama looked 'uncomfortable and intimidated' by the roomful of military brass... Their first one-on-one meeting took place in the Oval Office four months later, after McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, and it didn't go much better. 'It was a 10-minute photo op,' says an adviser to McChrystal. 'Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was. Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The Boss was pretty disappointed.'"

He goes on to reveal his nickname for a certain member of Obama's administration: Vice President "Bite Me." This, comes after already getting himself in trouble for characterizing "the counterterrorism strategy being advocated by Vice President Joe Biden as 'shortsighted.'" And that "it would lead to a state of 'Chaos-istan.'" Those comments earned him a reprimanding by the President aboard Air Force One.

This time he's earned himself another face-to-face in the White House and I've got just the outfit for him.

Addendum: In light of McChrystal being relieved of command I would still like to recommend the outfit above for any future speaking engagements as it's designed more for pleasing the masses than for meeting a President. Well, this President anyway.

Neda

2010-06-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

Neda died a year ago this Sunday. And here is the life-risking documentary, for all involved, filmed inside Iran for HBO.

The day before she died the Basiji told her to stay home as the men aim for the most beautiful women because they're the most dangerous to them. In a country where the government uses martyrdom to rally its people behind its cause, that martyrdom was turned against itself in Neda.

More Than One Mean-ing

2010-06-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

You could read this CNN headline two ways: The sham Scientology marriage took Katie's soul way or the someone took advantage of people on vacation way.

You Can Always Go Younger

2010-06-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

I wrote this song last year after two separate teenagers went on solo sailing trips around the world, vying for the title of youngest to circumnavigate the globe. This caused me to think, like so many others, well, they're going to start pushing the boundaries of age until something bad happens. And now, a 16-year-old girl has very likely capsized in the Indian Ocean. Rescue teams are on their way there now.

And so here's to her safe recovery and the song that her previously anticipated story inspired:

It was a sunny day in the marina
A mother watched her son prepare

It wasn’t so much general practice
As much as it was a general dare

The sail boat was loaded
The reporters there to send him off

Around the world was his destination
A solo trip at any cost

Fast and swift and barely six… months old
He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

The reporter questioned his parent’s motives
They said he’s been sailing all his life
The reporter noted “that life’s been mighty short”
To which the father said, “that’s true, you’re right”

Blogs and books and diaper hooks
He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

Homeschooled he be
When he lives on the sea
To which the reporter surmised
He’ll live in the sea when he’s capsized

They made the boat ready to sail
The reporters converged without fail
I fear it will be more than a year before he… and his family reunite
But you never know, if there’s a miracle, he’ll stay upright

Fast and swift and barely six… months old

[As the boat sails away we hear crying through a baby monitor]

He’s Billy the Infant Sailor

You never know, he might stay upright
You never know, he might stay upright

[With a flourish]

Ol’ Billy

The Arschenhaller-Team

2010-06-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, "The A-Team" Grauman's Chinese Theater premiere, way to copy the "Bruno" Grauman's Chinese Theater premiere.

Bruno's no doubt uberexcited about it as being immitated by The Arschenhaller-Team is a real honor. That Mr. T is definitely his kind of guy.

Water...

2010-06-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

Similes are the gate of today: instead of Spillgate it's Obama's Katrina, his 9/11. I'm happy to be rid of gate but this is just as stupid.

Shhh, Maybe It'll Slip Their Minds

2010-06-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that Iran hasn't been demonstrating about the Flotilla Raid. Well, that's because next Saturday is the anniversary of the whole Presidential election thing and they know if they tell their people to demonstrate against Israel, they'll respond "You want a demonstration, I'll give you a demonstration." And out come the green shirts. So, give it a week and back to Twitter to monitor the situation. I still can't say "the situation" without thinking of "The Jersey Shore." Dammit, Snooki, stay out of my Iranian politics.

Blair Witch Town?

2010-06-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

I was just reading an article in the LA Times about the Blair Witch town. I lived less than 10 miles from this town, I'd been driven through this town and when Blair Witch came out I realized that I had never even heard of this town. Or the Witch for that matter, but that was with good cause. What the town was actually known for was that if you stopped your car on an incline just above the "town," a Civil War ghost would push it up the hill for you, optical illusion style, and then hiking the Appalachian Trail. Yes, the ghost hiked the Appalachian Trail, he was pretty health conscious. That, or he was having an affair with an Argentinian woman. It's hard to say.

Lost and Found

2010-05-25T00:14:00.000-07:00

Priests reburied Copernicus after 450 yrs in an unmarked grave. I guess any hobby'll do to keep their minds off those heavenly bodies.

Slick

2010-05-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

This crude has tarred our feathered friends, British Petroleum has the means but no ends, lo they will continue to profit while fisherman have no other choice but to mop it, golf balls and tires to clog up the hole from which the bones of dinosaurs were stole, why do we let them continue to struggle with the leak as the oil continues to bubble it's so bleak, shut it down, til it stays in the ground, we'll find another way to get around.

Kagan and Mitchell the new Palin and Fey?

2010-05-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

Your ability to recognize the male in one of these two pictures will depend upon either your level of Anglophileness or your tendency to believe that gold hoop earrings are only to be worn by women, pirates and pop singer George Michael. Do you watch "Peep Show"? Are you a fan of "Mitchell and Webb"? Then, you've probably already figured out that the person on the right is the cerebral, yet British comedian David Mitchell. Now, the person on the right is even more elusive. Are you a fan of Supreme Court nominees? Do you watch C-SPAN? Then, you've probably already figured out that the person on the left is the odds on favorite for Obama's Supreme Court pick to be announced on Monday: Elena Kagan.

So I ask you, is it time for a British crossover? Will David Mitchell make a name for himself in the States by playing a potential Supreme Court nominee to the level that Tina Fey did in playing Sarah Palin?

Lord knows Fey needed the work. And all male comedians are required to play a woman at least once in their careers. Why shouldn Mitchell be any different? He's certainly got the reference levels to play the former dean of Harvard Law School.

Analogous

2010-05-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

"Crews lower box over oil leak" is as potentially ineffective and sexually suggestive as the little Dutch boy putting his finger in a dike.

Perspective

2010-04-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

Here's my photoshopped response to the Arizona immigration law.

Who's the Illegal Immigrant now?

Hamas A Menos

2010-04-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Apparently Hamas is taking flash animation classes from the Tiger Woods reenactment animators because they just sent out a message via video that comes off more as an entry in a foreign language short film competition than it does a warning of things to come. That is, until you get to the end.

The large headed figure trodding along the pavement represents the father of the Israeli soldier who was captured 5 years ago. He ages as he walks around town carrying the portrait of his son, waiting for him to return home. Spoiler alert: the kid comes home in a coffin. Nice one, Hamas, you're masters at the PR game. I'd have more respect for you if you did a reenactment of Snooki getting bitch slapped in a bar fight.

Cash for God

2010-04-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

A fan has set up a donation site in the name of Stephen Baldwin whom he wants to support in his apparently Christian-based career crushing decisions. The video below gives us examples of Stephen Baldwin's persecution, which is entirely comprised of internet comment sections making fun of him in unlikely fonts.

So I urge you, visit restorestephenbaldwin.org today and "restore" Stephen's bank account because Lord (Xenu) knows we can't have a Kirk-Cameron-style-born-again-celebri-crazy defaulting on his mortgage.

Founding Fathers, Where Are They Now?

2010-04-17T01:39:00.001-07:00

I found this in The Chicago Tribune's "What Happened to 60's Sex Kittens?" "What Ertha Kitt is doing now: Died in 2008" Thanks for the update. At least they didn't post a photo of her current condition.

Now That's a Maverick Move

2010-04-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

To be fair, when McCain said "I never considered myself a maverick" he was referring to Tom Cruise's role in Top Gun. I agree. He's more of a Goose.

Meg Whitman, Yeah, She's Annoying

2010-03-31T23:04:00.000-07:00

Meg Whitman, the 53-year-old, billionaire and former CEO of eBay is running as a Republican candidate for Governor of California and she's doing it with style. Well, a style. Some would say it's not a style but more of an annoying, repetitive and childish attack ad campaign. You know, style.

While, "Why can't we trust Steve Poizner?" was already my mantra, she didn't have to ruin it by incessantly pairing it with carney music. But let's take a look at what else the possible first female Governor of California's been up to:

Besides the attack ads, which I will expand upon later, she’s had two scandals so far. The first, concerning profiting from “spinning” which is when executives receive a portion of a third party company in exchange for attracting that company’s business to the broker. She earned $1.78 million. And then she paid $3 million back to eBay investors and resigned from the board of Goldman Sachs in 2002 after she was caught. Now, that's a return on your investment.

The second scandal was her lack of voting. On 9/30/09 “Whitman has acknowledged that her voting registration and voting record was ‘atrocious’ and apologized.”

On 10/5/09 she then stated in the Sacramento Bee, "While my voting record is nothing to be proud of, I have voted on numerous occasions.”

Her campaign then tried to combat her lack of voting habits by saying that it couldn’t find any voting information for California Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinstein during the 1980s. “But The Bee was able to find state records that dated Pelosi's San Francisco County voting registration to Feb. 12, 1987, something it could not do for Whitman. The state record shows Feinstein's current registration dates to 1995.” So she doesn't like to vote. I mean, it's not like voting has anything to do with being elected to office. Girl Power.

Concerning the negative campaign ads against Steve Poizner, she’s using mockery voice over along with that jokey carnival theme song style I mentioned earlier. The ads use the technique of numbering the reasons “Why we can’t trust Steve Poizner? Reason #12.” That’s right, they start at twelve and go to 29: 12, 13, 14, 16, 21, 29. But there are only 6 reasons and they duplicate and overlap and therefore there’s really only four. So you know she’s good at numbers.

The attack ad youtube channel is entitled “Can’tTrustSteve’s Channel” which seems more like a commentary on the Channel than on Steve himself.

Ads “Reasons 29” and “13” are both the same reason: taxes and he “weakened prop 13.” Which is a Prop concerning taxes. And “Reason 12” is only missing one of those components: it concerns taxes but this time Whitman compared him to Pelosi rather than bringing up Prop 13.

In “Reason 21” she pointed out that Poizner contributed to Al Gore’s 2000 Presidential campaign. But one could mention that Whitman contributed to Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer herself.

She also doesn’t mention that’s she’s a Republican in her ads. Because, this is California and we don't vote conservative. Yes on Prop 8 much?

At the very end of the main video on CantTrustSteve’s youtube channel it lists quotes on his tax record. One of the quotes says “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” – Hogue News. So I went to that site and that’s the entire header on a section, it’s not the truncation of a sentence. The entire quote is “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” This site calls itself “Hogue News Relevant, Contemporary and Uniquely Conservative.” The quote right next to the one mentioned above states “Is Poizner ‘Pro-tax’” – Hogue News. So I checked that one and it’s a portion of the headline wherein the subheader of “Steve Poizner’s Taxing Record…” appears. So they’re quoting the same headlines twice. Not even sentences, just portions of headlines.

But really the greatest scandal uncovered about Meg Whitman is the claim on her website which states that she “fell in love with California as a young girl. While Meg was born and raised in Long Island, New York,” she did spend “three months car-camping” here. Really, Meg Whitman? Did you really "fall in love" with California because I have evidence to the contrary. I believe that you fell in love with Steve Poizner as a little girl and have been chasing him ever since.

I mean, how else would you account for this: Whitman announced her candidacy in February 2009. So she’s been running over a year now, spending $19 million on her campaign in 2009 alone. And is currently winning in the polls for the Republican nomination. Meg Whitman for Governor, because she wants to hurt Steve Poizner just like he hurt her so very long ago.

Separate But Equal?

2010-03-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

Watching the video of Rep. Emanuel Cleaver being spat upon by a Tea Party protester reminds me that they'll always be The Jim Crow Party to me.

I Hate Illinois Nazis

2010-03-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

A Fox News "Reporter" said "when Nancy Pelosi walked through those Tea Partiers, it was like... the march through Skokie, Illinois, by the Nazis." Which went something like this...

Healthcare Intolerant

2010-03-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

To be fair, the Teabaggers who spit on congressmen yesterday thought they were warding off evil spirits. That's how medicine works, right?

If they helped Tom Cruise with His Gay...

2010-03-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

Kirstie Alley says Scientology has helped her with her weight. She's not fat, she's just big Thetaned.

Never Not Wrong

2010-03-12T22:57:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney recently embarked upon a book tour/2012 Presidential campaign with the release of “No Apology: The Case for American Greatness.” Therefore, I would like to make a literary comparison between “No Apology” and Jim Belushi’s tome entitled “Real Men Don’t Apologize.”

See if you can match the excerpt with the author:

1. “The year was 1987, and I was working on a little film called
‘Red Heat.’”

2. "There are anti-American fires burning all across the globe; President Obama's words are like kindling to them."

3. “To illustrate my point, I'm gonna tell you a story about a gourmet dinner I had with Mike Ditka.”

4. “The value of controlling Iran, for example, is enormous for the Khomeinist jihadists.”

5. “What I have to say might change your life. At the very least, it should help get you laid.”

Answer Key:
1. Belushi (also works for Arnold Schwarzenegger)
2. Romney (oddly enough if you replace Obama with Bush you’d be
quoting directly from Keith Olbermann’s autobiography)
3. Belushi (also works for “a steak the size of my arm”)
4. Romney (Note: The chapter on Iran was cut from Belushi’s book)
5. Belushi/Romney*

*I can only assume that Romney went into politics to change people’s lives... and to help get them laid.

And because at least one of these two books is full of quizzes which you should label yourself with and base all further life decisions upon, here’s another test, this time with multiple choice formatting:

1. “I found a community of men to help me. And, most importantly, I discovered that only a man can teach another man what being a man is all about.”

A. Belushi on support groups.
B. Romney on the Mormon Church.
C. Revelatory quote from whichever closeted homosexual Congressman has a scandal breaking as you read this.

2. "Life was like that television show."

A. Belushi on “According to Jim”
B. Romney on “Let’s Make a Deal”
C. Vague comment that people say when a surreal thing happens to them. Though, usually they say “It was like a movie.” So never mind.

3. "We need to make it work"

A. Romney on the current retirement health plan for seniors.
B. Belushi quoting his first wife on their marriage.
C. Tim Gunn’s catchphrase on “Project Runway.”

4. "‘They sent me boys when I need men.’"

A. Romney quoting a CEO from his early days in business.
B. Belushi quoting the casting agent from the first gig he booked in Hollywood.
C. General Erskine screaming to his Marines as they stormed Iwo Jima.

5. “Taming the beast.”

A. Romney’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Healing Healthcare”
B. Belushi’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Shacking Up”
C. Episode 38 of “The Dog Whisperer”

ANSWER KEY:
1. A. Belushi on support groups.
2. B. Romney on “Let’s Make a Deal”
3. A. Romney on the current retirement health plan for seniors.
4. A. Romney quoting a CEO from his early days in business.
5. A. Romney’s subheader within his chapter entitled “Healing Healthcare”

Congratulations! You’re a demographic.

Earthquake in Chile During Presidential Swearing In

2010-03-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

But more importantly, they hand over power by transferring a sash? What is this, a Beauty Pageant? Why don't they just swap crowns and get it over with? I mean, where do people come up with--

This just in: The Queen of England was seen walking her Corgies whilst wearing the Crown Jewels. She realeased this statement: "There's nothing Monty and Willow like more than dressing up for a mad romp."

So anyways, earthquake.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Caligula's Orgy

2010-03-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

Rep. Massa admitted that it was "inappropriate" to grab a male staff member while saying "What I really ought to be doing is frakking you." He's right, Klingon is a much more "appropriate" language of choice for sexual harassment.

If I Can Have You, No One Can

2010-03-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

If Rush is so ready to leave the country over health care, let's all pitch in for the ticket.

Profitable Technological Advances

2010-03-09T01:19:00.000-08:00

"The Jazz Singer" was the first full length "talkie" and the most profitable movie of its time.

"The Wizard of Oz" was on the cutting edge of Technicolor and is the most watched movie in film ever.

"Jaws 3-D" was "a soggy spectacle" and "marginally entertaining." -BBC Films, 1983

Kany'd

2010-03-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

For a second I thought that lady was Kanye Westing the short documentary category. And then later it was confirmed that she was Kanye Westing her own film.

Always Mad

2010-03-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

Ahmedinejad says that "9/11 was a 'big lie' to pave the way for invasion." Dude, why do you work so hard? Just change the numbers into letters: WMD's were a big lie to pave the way for invasion. See, not so hard and then you've jumped from fringe conspiracist blogger to Zionist NYTimes columnist. It's all about the hyperlinks, baby.

Currency Events

2010-03-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

Reagan on the $50? Sure, makes sense, I mean, he did defeat the Confederacy during the Civil War.

Oh, No Logo

2010-02-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

JLo's got an Olympic vagina is what I learned while watching SNL last night.

Classic Moves

2010-02-28T01:58:00.000-08:00

Who knew "Showgirls" was so topical: A tsunami and waterboarding all in one sex scene.

Aboriginal Russians

2010-02-22T00:58:00.000-08:00

I guess in Russia black face is okay if you skip the face part and just put it on your body.

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/assetid=b99212f4-077e-4f09-9ad5-1ecbba00675e.html#russians+third+after+original+dance

Cat Curling

2010-02-21T02:08:00.000-08:00

Me and my semi-relaxed cat.

The Curler's Wife

2010-02-20T20:20:00.000-08:00

Oh, I see. So you can sweep the ice all day long but you can't touch the kitchen.

Reality Ho

2010-02-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

I mean, seriously, Old Navy: Ass Stands? Everyone knows that poles are made for stripping.

Drill, Baby, Drill

2010-02-14T11:55:00.000-08:00

The President of ConocoPhillips died in an avalanche yesterday. Mother Nature's response: They pull out a pipeline, you pull out an avalanche. They drill one of your fields, you send one of theirs to the morgue. That's the Alaskan way.

China Thinks Obama is Google

2010-02-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

China is asking Obama not to meet with the Dalai Lama as it will strain realtions between our countries. How about they stop selling us poison toys and pet food to ease the strain in relations? The lack of murder might be a relaxing step in this process.