I Guess We're Just Gonna Have to Disagree to Disagree

A group called American Atheists has put up an anti-Christmas billboard near the Lincoln Tunnel which reads "You KNOW it's a Myth. This Season, Celebrate REASON!"



And so you would figure that an article reporting on this topic would of course inspire Christian individuals to post comments concerning the billboard. But the real question is: how quickly do the posts get to the topic of Obama's birth certificate? Well, here's the progression that gets us there: 11 posts in, Obama's an "atheist":



Because of course he's a communist Muslim. And a mere 4 posts later VOX114 is back with "Christians don't attend a 'church'":



And then 29 posts later, VOX114 is back with "militant homosexuals join the atheist movement..."



I'm beginning to suspect a troll and then we're almost thrown off track by abortion:



But thankfully, "someone else" comes along with the Obama birth certificate question:



And so we find that in the most ritualistic of ways, any comment section can get off topic into something that isn't a topic at all. Happy Cyber Monday, to the most famous red suited socialist in the mall.

General Paparazzi

A "Rolling Stone" entitled "The Runaway General", which was published today, reveals that when General McChrystal first met Obama, a week after he took office during a meeting with senior military officials at the Pentagon, that he "thought Obama looked 'uncomfortable and intimidated' by the roomful of military brass... Their first one-on-one meeting took place in the Oval Office four months later, after McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, and it didn't go much better. 'It was a 10-minute photo op,' says an adviser to McChrystal. 'Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was. Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The Boss was pretty disappointed.'"

He goes on to reveal his nickname for a certain member of Obama's administration: Vice President "Bite Me." This, comes after already getting himself in trouble for characterizing "the counterterrorism strategy being advocated by Vice President Joe Biden as 'shortsighted.'" And that "it would lead to a state of 'Chaos-istan.'" Those comments earned him a reprimanding by the President aboard Air Force One.

This time he's earned himself another face-to-face in the White House and I've got just the outfit for him.



Addendum: In light of McChrystal being relieved of command I would still like to recommend the outfit above for any future speaking engagements as it's designed more for pleasing the masses than for meeting a President. Well, this President anyway.

Kagan and Mitchell the new Palin and Fey?

Your ability to recognize the male in one of these two pictures will depend upon either your level of Anglophileness or your tendency to believe that gold hoop earrings are only to be worn by women, pirates and pop singer George Michael. Do you watch "Peep Show"? Are you a fan of "Mitchell and Webb"? Then, you've probably already figured out that the person on the right is the cerebral, yet British comedian David Mitchell. Now, the person on the right is even more elusive. Are you a fan of Supreme Court nominees? Do you watch C-SPAN? Then, you've probably already figured out that the person on the left is the odds on favorite for Obama's Supreme Court pick to be announced on Monday: Elena Kagan.

So I ask you, is it time for a British crossover? Will David Mitchell make a name for himself in the States by playing a potential Supreme Court nominee to the level that Tina Fey did in playing Sarah Palin?



Lord knows Fey needed the work. And all male comedians are required to play a woman at least once in their careers. Why shouldn Mitchell be any different? He's certainly got the reference levels to play the former dean of Harvard Law School.

China Thinks Obama is Google

China is asking Obama not to meet with the Dalai Lama as it will strain realtions between our countries. How about they stop selling us poison toys and pet food to ease the strain in relations? The lack of murder might be a relaxing step in this process.

Cheney's Hat

Drudge uses this photo to go with an article on Cheney criticizing Obama's "dangerous plans." Which, I'm sorry, makes Cheney look even more evil than usual, like he's there to get Obama. Wouldn't you choose a photo of Obama looking "evil" to make your point?
























But then when Drudge chooses this photo to go along with an article about how the Pope isn't expressing enough remorse for the Holocaust while he's in Israel I have to ask... Is Cheney the Pope's shadow?





















Or is he...

Who Invented the Car?

In last night’s speech Obama said that America invented the car. But a French guy named Nicolas-Joseph Cugnot is most often credited as the inventor. Though, it is like the television, no one came up with the car as we know it, all at once. If you want to start with theoretical invention, then da Vinci should get the credit.

It’s likely that what Obama meant was that we mastered the whole car manufacturing thing through mass production but he should at least do a quick skim of Wikipedia before saying something like that or he’ll be compared to Al Gore inventing the internet when he meant that he popularized the term “the information superhighway.”

Anyways, here’s a reenactment of the first car crash ever in 1769. At 2 ½ miles per hour, it’s well worth the watch.

Obama prefix is the new Gate suffix

The only other time I’ve ever seen a prefix take off like this was amongst the Smurfs. And like the smurfs, there don’t seem to be negative Obama prefixes, unlike the use of the popular gate suffix in conjunction with a scandal. And they are almost all nicknames for inspired individuals rather than negative events like gate is. The one negative Obama based word that comes to mind is the suffix blend use in NObama. But at least once people start using his name in a negative suffix or prefix way, we’ll get to cut down on the use of gate. I’m sure I’ve missed a bunch but below are Obama inspired word combinations and Watergate inspired uses of the word gate. One day, FOX News created or not, there will be an Obamagate and the prefix and suffix will collide.


Smurftastic Obamacombos (I don’t know if there’s a term for these things but I’m coining it):

Obamastration = Obama Administration

Obamabration = Obama Celebration

Obamamama = Michelle Obama or Mothers who support Obama

Obamanation = People who support Obama

Obamariffic = Describing something as terrific

Obamanominator = Superdelegate who nominated Obama

Obamacan = Republican who crossed over party lines to vote for Obama

Obamacrat = Democrats who support Obama

Obamafication = Being excited for change due to Obama

Obamafied = Adopting a Yes We Can attitude

Obama’d = Being effected by Obama

Obamabration = To party in the name of Obama

Obamatarian = Avid Obama supporter

Obamatized = Being moved by Obama’s speeches

Obamatopia = The White House with Obama in it, play on Camelot term for Kennedy
White House

Obamauguration = Obama inauguration

Obamazon = Female Obama supporter

Obamerica = US under Obama’s leadership

Obamicon = Making yourself into an Obama marketing poster http://obamicon.me

Obaminator = Hard working Obama campaigner

Obaminatrix = Hard working female Obama campaigner

Obamaniac = Person obsessed with Obama


GATE SUFFIX USAGE

Simpson’s Weightgate = Is the laziest use I’ve ever seen. Jessica Simpson gained weight = scandal

Monicagate = Monica Lewinsky and President Bill Clinton sex scandal

Nannygate = Government officials not paying taxes on their nannies

Troopergate = Arkansas state troopers sex scandal involving Bill Clinton or Sarah Palin’s firing of the Alaskan state public safety commissioner for not firing her former brother-in-law state trooper

Whitewatergate = Clinton investment scandal

Travelgate = Firings of White House Travel Office employees

Hookergate = Defense contractors bribed congressman for political favors – I’m not sure why it’s called Hookergate, and I really don’t care to investigate.

Rathergate = The memo shown on 60 Minutes that took down Dan Rather

Nipplegate = Justin Timberlake exposing Janet Jackson’s nipple at the Superbowl halftime show

THE END OF THE CIVIL WAR

Barack’s final rally before election day was in Manassas, VA. The site of the first major battle of the Civil War. A battle which the residents of DC traveled out to Bull Run to watch while picnicking. The beginning of the Civil War and the end of the Civil War, all in one location.

Of course, during the Battle of Bull Run the picnickers ran off in fear when the cannon balls started flying. This time, when Obama finished speaking, the voters triumphantly, enthusiastically… slowly, trudged home in bumper to bumper traffic.

Fun Fact: Manassas, VA, is the same town where Lorena Bobbit, in honor of the Civil War surgeons who came before her, amputated her husband's penis and threw it out the window. The same surgeon who reattached Mr. Bobbit’s penis, by the way, was unable to reattach the riding-lawn-mower-severed fingers of my grandfather some years earlier.

And now, Barack Obama, this man from Illinois, the land of Lincoln, the Civil War president who freed the slaves, is about to become the first black President. Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream will now be realized so close to where he said those words, on the opposite end of the mall from where he stood and gave the greatest speech ever given.

On the topic of iconic images. I’d like to point out how the 1988 movie “They Live”, starring Rowdy Roddy Piper, influenced Barack Obama’s election.

The artist who designed the wildly popular Barack Obama Hope poster is the same one who designed the Andre the Giant Obey stickers that you see everywhere, wonder what the fuck they are in the moment, and then promptly forget about.

An artist named Shepard Fairey took the word Obey from the film “They Live.” A film about aliens disguised as humans who take over the world through subliminal messages in our surroundings.

The Hope message was far from subliminal. They were quite in your face and you were very aware of them. But that is the market of today. We don’t want to be marketed to surreptitiously. We want to be aware of it.

So future Presidential candidates listen up – make sure you have a TRENDY poster. But don’t forget to have a sincere message to go with it.

Yes, the Civil War is over. Will the re-enactors please SURRENDER their iconic rebel flag?