Monday, August 23, 2010

So You Say You Have Written a "Visitor's Guide" to DC?

Take a look at the web page for the "MAINE REFOUNDERS/ Tea Party. Dedicated to Preserving the Constitution!" I know, it's a mouthful. And what is immediately evident is that they really enjoy varying uses of punctuation. Just take a look at their and my equally inspired blog title, "So You Are Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" You'll notice that they didn't use a contraction when any native speaker knows that "So You Are Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" should actually read "So You're Coming to the Glenn Beck 8/28 Rally on Washington?" Therefore, I do have to call into question the nationality of Andrew Ian Dodge for his non use of contraction as the "author" of this blog. I mean, if someone says "lift" instead of elevator in a movie, we know that's the spy, that dude definitely learned English from the KGB and not growing up in a working class suburban family like the rest of us Americans.

And so, I was equally inspired by his further use of punctuation when he noted: "(Dupont Circle, gay area)". Therefore, I will translate his punctuation prevalent punditry parenthetically:

"Many parts of DC are safe beyond the areas I will list here, but why chance it if you don't know where you are?" (black area)

"DC's population includes refugees from every country, as the families of embassy staffs of third world countries tend to stay in DC whenever a revolution in their homeland means that anyone in their family would be in danger if they went back. Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country..." (foreign black area)

"If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night." (black area) Though, I'd like to add, not exactly. You know these lines all cross through The Mall which is coincidentally where the rally is being held. Oh, my god! Glenn Beck is black!

"But you don't know where you are so you cannot go, especially at night, unless you take me with you." (is this guy hitting on me? area)

And finally, there's just one travel tip missing from this blog: What's the exchange rate at the border crossing? (these white people sure are scared of black people area)

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